we sat on sofas in ballroom lobbies
as the clock struck 12:01
pizza was served with romance, light drug use
each of us apathetically dangerous
unintrusive knowledge lingered on your lap
rocking us to sleepy sexual half-high impasses
a creature moused through darkness
thoroughly gaited walk
nitemare dynasties of flirting, and violence, and happiness.
shorn time off 12:01
dancing. sphere crystal gaze. potential isolation granted.
i love you and miss you means all that.
in the months before
we said “i love you”
we carefully constructed our words
each wrong phrase
could damn the relationship
crossing undefined boundaries
and simply disagreeing
but then “i love you” came
and we let down our guards
our guards became our guard
while we said our waiting words
unable to abolish forgiveness
tempted to lie forever
overprescribed reading glasses
blur the world
let him know he is dying
sighs calling love
down at destroyed feet
without reason, unsaved
half, he says to me
i am nothing
years before he evolves
cocooned in self-pity
emitted from blue beaming eyes
screamed past passports
past window-shopping lovers
scraped regret off the sidewalk
turned tolerable by forgiving
and fucking up
making sure no one gets hurt
rather than mirroring sanguine kisses
Another cover for you
beware the old ghosts
of girls made by failures
while the unconventionality of it all
down a lampshaded footpath
towards several inscriptions
of murky chastity
they faint grievously
inside of my soft heart
Track: Trojan Curfew
i usually record covers when i procrastinate, and so here is a product of my procrastination, “trojan curfew” originally penned by s. malkmus. have a great sunday evening
he stopped living when you met
fourteen years ago
a chip in his grin
and a side of chocolate milk waiting for you when you came home
to think all these years you forgot his middle name
but it must have started with T.
any breath he took towards you was a chance for you to push him away
and fight off any urge of feeling and weightlessness and loved and safe
he is too right
that’s why you left
and now he lives in spite of you
that something better lies ahead
in times of trouble i’ll scratch your head
searching for answers and full little pockets of truth
seeing each other is one thing
being alive is a wish
barely connecting the dots here
we’re afraid of this
it can’t be truth
bubbling and i’ll make something
poured out of clockwork like a fasting monk
behaviors of time and again waste me
nourished by gross dancing
friendship strikes chords
elongate alone for a while
breathe my own blood
just alone and afraid
that what i need to do is create and
so numb and scared
and eyes red as
my mouth is dry and tense forgetting my manners i spit
honey glares at me, all i can do is try harder
obliterate time, just watch it walk by
Kalamazoo; The Strutt - 16 July 2009
The drive from GR to Kzoo went fast. We discussed how unappetizing the Craig’s Cruiser’s billboards looked, among other inane topics, before I settled in to reading To Own a Dragon by Don Miller, Rider listened to music and our GPS lady via headphones, and Brent typed on his trusty Mac.
The Strutt is a great venue; the kind of place I could imagine opening. It’s part coffee shop, part bar, part music venue. It’s a large, warm space (litterally and asthetically), filled with a hodge-podge of Americana. Its’s like the stuff on the wall at Applebee’s, but “carefully crafted.”
We ended up not playing until 11:30 or midnight. There was an early show of two bands which began at 8pm, followed by our four band bill. Throw in down time between acts and a guest song by Mike Riley’s brother who was trying to impress a “pretty lady at the bar,” and you got yourself a late night.
A good chunk of people had come out to see us, but the hard rock prior to our set leading to a late start time had them taking off before getting a chance to watch us.
Nonetheless, the show was still a success in certain aspects, as we played well together, sold some CDs and passed out some singles.
We made our way to the “afterparty” at the house we were staying at. Katie, who lived at this house, knew Rider from when she worked at Mocha n Music with him. About five minutes into us being there, Katie showed us the room Brent and I are staying in, a closed-off room from the rest of the house which we figured would help deter the cat dander from upsetting our sleep, as we both are allergic. I felt the room a bit stuffy, and attempted to open a 100-year old window which may have not been opened since the day the house was built. I proceed to push as hard as I could on the top of the window frame.
This was an important moment in my mind; the moment in between me pushing with great force and the window pane completely shattering. A moment when I thought in my head, “I am pushing very hard on this window, and nothing is happening, which means something will probably break.” Sure enough, Katie’s window pane shattered, grazing my arm in the process (something I did not notice until 10 minutes later when I saw blood on my sleeve).
Katie was nice about it, and I made sure she knew I would take care of it financially if need be. Turns out her landlord was hoping she would upload pictures and other internet doings for the property, so he called it a fair trade; internet work for a new window.
After getting into an argument about The Venture Bros. versus The Simpsons (The Simpsons, of course), and calling a guy named Andy “Prussia” several times, the three of us all scooted off to bed around 4am.
At 4:30am, the party was still going on, and Brent and I could not get to sleep due to a faulty smoke dector which somehow had no battery but would still beep every 2 minutes. We decided to call 1-800-POULTRY, which is one of the best late night phone numbers to prank. If you have the means, I highly suggest it.
Maybe my favorite journal entry from my time in the Peace Corps.
"I walked into the bar. The first thing the Tanzanian woman at the desk said to me was in English with a German accent. "Your mustache there, it is looking sexy." I had a full beard. I told her I needed to cut it soon. If the light struck it right it was sexy, I suppose. It was mostly disgusting." 10/30/11